Dreams have been on my mind a lot of late.  I do not mean what I've been dreaming at night, but the kind of dreams that represent the life I want to live. 

 

Following dreams is hard work.  It feels like it requires constantly looking around you to gather your bearings to make sure you are actually on the path you want to be on.  It feels so easy to follow after the lure of an easier road in life, a road with a destination nowhere near where you ever dreamed you would end up.  

 

A few nights ago Jenny and I found ourselves sitting under a street lamp in front of our house at two in the morning.  We were sitting on the asphalt, the air still humid and sticky despite the late hour, talking with a couple we know, and two guys we had never met before.  It was perhaps the most brutally honest conversation I have ever been a part of (although they did most of the talking). 

 

One guy bared his soul.  Now in his thirties, he recounted his story.  In high school he had been quite the football player.  He was a Christian, and even went on a mission trip to Mexico.  On this trip, he had a pivotal moment in his life.  Something happened.  He was handing out prescription glasses to people who never knew what glasses were.  An old man approached him, someone whose vision was extremely impaired without correction.  When they found the right strength of glasses for the old man, this guy witnessed the old man's transformation and his pure joy of being able to see for the first time in years.  Maybe he had forgotten what life was like with good vision.  But the old man went away elated. 

 

This guy, now standing under a dim streetlight in Florida, talked about how at that moment he knew this was the life he was meant for.  He wanted to help people.  He wanted to be a missionary.  This all star football player was a kind hearted teddy bear.  And he had a dream.  He had glimpsed what his life could be like if he followed his dream.  

 

Fifteen years later, his life has taken a different turn.  He has a very respectable job no doubt.  And he is great at what he does.  But he always looks back at what could have been.  Life has been a series of disillusionments since he decided against following what he knew to be his dreams for the sake of what seemed normal.  He gave up his dreams for a career that really never inspired him in the first place.  Since he walked away from his dream, his life melted into something almost unrecognizable even to himself.

 

 I have dreams.  Jenny and I have dreams of the life we want to life together.  And it seems like most every day, the world around us is trying to bump us off that path in order to follow something less dangerous, and ultimately, less fulfilling.  And it seems as though life requires Jenny and I to gather our bearings together nearly every single day to hold each other to the path of our dreams.  Its not easy.  Our society seems to only applaud dreamers after they have "made it," and then only if it falls into society's standards of "making it."  Meanwhile, the world scoffs at those who are in the middle of following a conviction or a dream by laughing at their naivity, or telling them something about how "the real world" works.  

 

My dream?  I want to be a story teller.  I want to be a photographer and a writer.   I want to travel the world.  I want to never stop exploring.  I want my life to always be an adventure.  I want my life to glorify God.

 

So I ask you the same question Jesus asked the lame man waiting by the pool, "What do you want?"

 

 

 

I know its felt like practically forever since I have blogged.   After such a long break, sometimes it feels like writing on here again is impossible, or that I would need to have something really incredible to share that would blow everyone away.  But neither is actually true, writing again is not impossible, and I don't really have any mind blowing thing to share either!

 

Jenny and I have been married for 3 months and 3 days now, and I am happy to report that each day with her is the most wonderful blessing.  Each day is better than the last and I am madly, madly in love with her.  God has blessed me far beyond anything I could have ever asked for or even comprehended.  I thank the Lord for my wonderful wife!  

 

Jenny and I live in a house that is far too good for us and we know it.  Im not sure how it all happened, but I won't complain.  We have a balcony that overlooks a small wilderness reserve.  Jungle green moss covered oaks shade a creek full of yellow and blue flowers and swimming mallards.  Sand Hill Cranes, hawks, and owls patrol the skies above.  They are magnificent creatures, something about them captivates me when I see them.  I have a garden full of tomatoes and peppers and strawberries.  I am surprised to feel a real connection to the earth here.  I did not expect that out of Florida, but I feel it and I love it.  

 

I love to sit on the balcony and drink coffee, be quiet, read, think, and pray.  In the mornings the sun rises behind our house and I sit in the cool shade while I watch the gold of morning illuminate the mossy oaks and their hanging vines.  It is truly a sanctuary.  This morning the air felt more crisp and fresh than I remember experiencing recently.  Yesterday the cool gray clouds draped the sky and masked the sun all day long.  A refreshing rain fell gently upon the parched land here.  We've been in a drought.  Every day has been sunny and beautiful, just like paradise.  But I had a thought this morning.  Not everyday can be sunny, perfect days like paradise.  Eventually the sun dries up the life and you need the gray of rains to restore, to give a new perspective.  Today the beauty felt magnified because of yesterday's gloom.  Not only did my perspective change, but the dreary day actually brought about more life.  Everything actually is more green today. 

 

So just a thought.  Sometimes the blue skies of our soul are made richer by the gray rains in life.  

  

 

Today is Christmas Day.  A day to enjoy family and friends.  To laugh, to hug, to give oneself, to be joyful.  We give gifts to each other and enjoy traditions passed down to us like thread knit into our souls.  But it is not just a day to celebrate many blessings and to enjoy.  It is also a day to look back and see what God has done.

 

And not just the obvious, as the day Jesus was born.  But to see that we are in the middle of the greatest epic tale ever told.  It is happening right now.  And Christmas is a symbol that God took a painting that knew no bounds of time, and breathed life into it.  This painting has received life from the breathe of the Creator.  Today is a day to recognize that we are in the middle of God's great revelation.  We celebrate together and praise the Lord for the very romance of His gift and the splendor of the tale He is spinning.  You and I are central to this story.  The flames of His passion consume us in this tale.  Today I reflect and see His great symbol of love and say "thank you." 

 

Merry Christmas!   

I am just like an Israelite.  I saw incredibly powerful and miraculous signs from the Lord.  And now I complain and have a hard time trusting that He will come through. 

 

 

It has been over a year since I have returned home from the World Race.  A lot has changed in this year.  God has given me an amazing woman whom I will be marrying in a few weeks!  I have moved from Scottsdale, AZ to Flagstaff, AZ to Colorado Springs, CO to Sarasota, FL.  And I have still wrestled with the meaning of the faith I tasted on the World Race.  I saw incredible miracles.  I saw God providing in unbelievable ways.  God routinely showed up at the last second and wowed me, over and over.  I discovered that there was more to this God thing than I had ever experienced before.  I was stirred up, woken up, broken down, and lifted up many times over. 

 

I am not sure exactly what I expected from my return to the United States.  Honestly I think I believed that my return would somehow mark a drastic change in the lives of those around me.  That maybe wherever I went there would be a dramatic revival in people’s hearts.  And for whatever reason, the climactic and dramatic never really occurred.  People were interested in hearing my stories for a while.  But soon that novelty wore out and people were back to their busy lives. 

 

I know that I have had really high expectations for what my own faith would look like living in the United States.  And for whatever reasons, I have had to deal with feelings of disappointment.  Although I have not gone through feelings of doubt about what I experienced, I have seen that a lot of the pizzazz that marked my spiritual life kind of go flat, like a soda left out too long.

 

My soon to be wife has been incredible.  God has used her in many ways to challenge me and grow me.  God has used her to continue pulling down old walls that I never even knew were there.  She has helped me grow in spiritual freedom and has given me nudges when I need them.  I love her and I see her as a picture of God's blessing to me every day.    

 

 

And then God speaks to me.  "I am doing this for you.  Just because your situation has changed, does not mean I have changed.  This is all part of you learning to trust me in all things."  And for now I see that it was easier for me to trust that God would come through while going into a remote village in Africa than trusting God in finding a job in America.  It is like once I came home from the "mission field", I had to trade in my missionary pants for something much more rigid and conforming.  The unspoken rules of American life that I so clearly experienced freedom from have been hammered back in around me.

 

It has been difficult to see that I am living the exact same life.  The only difference is that my location is not some distant foreign land that changes every few weeks.  So instead of being invigorated by interactions with monks in Cambodia, I need to see the beauty in the seemingly mundane.  My faith still needs to be radical.  Because it is still not me who is God and I do not want to wrestle those responsibilities out of His hands.  If God doesn't come through, I'm sunk.  It is the same as if I were eating goat in Mozambique or on the beach in sunny Florida.

 

I realize it has been a significant amount of time since I have posted anything or had much communication.  For that I apologize.  But I hope this finds you well.  There have been significant changes for me since I have come off the world race.  I am sure that most everyone who came back home after something so intense and life changing will have plenty more changes once they return.  Some will be foreseen and others will not.  But that is the beauty and adventure of it all.  Even when you think you know what is to come, it rarely looks like you expect it. 

 

The biggest and most beautiful change for me, my ultimate blessing, has come into my life.  The Lord has prepared for me a bride, and soon Jenny Dawson and I will be getting married!  For some this is no news, but I realize that many people out there who read many blogs of mine will be fairly clueless.  

 

 

I must say that the Lord has chosen to bless me far beyond anything I could imagine.  Way back when I was in Peru, God spoke the name Jenny to me.  I did not really know what that meant at the time.  But several months later Jenny Dawson got off the bus in Swaziland and a friendship began.  I was still clueless that this could be the Jenny behind the name that God spoke to me.  Then a romance began to develop while we were both in Thailand.  We continued to talk most every day via email while I was in Cambodia and she remained in Thailand (anyone who remembers my love of the "Blue Pumpkin" might now realize why I loved the internet so much). 

 

When the race ended for me in Hong Kong, I had prayed many hours about and for Jenny.  I knew she still had six months left on the race but I felt strongly that I could not just let her go.  The day before she left to go into China, where I would painfully not be able to communicate with her for a month, I told her of my feelings and we both decided to give things a try.  The next month was very difficult, I missed her so much.  But I felt in my heart that God was protecting her and that what we had was a beautiful gift. 

 

Almost six months later, Jenny came home to Florida.  The next day, I flew in to see her.  Unbeknown to Jenny, God had spoken to me while she was still on the race that this was the woman that God had been preparing for me, and who He had prepared me for.   After two weeks in Florida with her wonderful family who never threatened to kill me, Jenny and I flew back to Arizona as she moved to be out in Flagstaff with me.   

 

God told me to wait until August 1 to ask her to marry me.  He said we needed at least three months to just be around each other.  Wanting to be obedient, but not wanting to waste time, I bought a ring.  On July 31st I asked Jenny's dad if I could have his daughter's hand in marriage and he graciously welcomed me into the family.  On August 1, Jenny and I went to the beach in her home town of Sarasota and I proposed to her at sunset.  She cried (in the good way) and hugged me tighter than anyone has ever hugged me before.  It took her five minutes to even look at the ring.  Eventually she did say "yes" and I was much relieved.  A random man walked by and even offered to take pictures at the exact moment I was proposing, so we happen to have pictures of the surprise proposal.  It was a truly beautiful moment!  I felt that the Lord set everything up perfectly.  

 

The actual proposal! 

We are now in Colorado Springs and happily engaged.  We will be getting married in January on the beach in Sarasota.  

 

 

That is most certainly the biggest news of my life and I am honored to share it with you and I thank you for having spent the time that you did supporting me and praying for me on the world race.  There is a whole new set of adventures that the Lord is leading me, and now Jenny Dawson on, together.